So it’s 22:11 and I had two glasses of wine. Red wine if you want the details. I’m at my boyfriend’s place. We watched a movie and sometimes I closed my eyes, because I am tired as hell. But I don’t wanna be a cry baby again, going to bed way too early for my age.
So two glasses of wine and when I look at myself in the mirror of the toilet, all I can do is overthink. When I go out alcohol makes me happier, but when I do not go out it can make me way more sad. Like it tries to drag me down in my sadness. Makes me question myself and everyone else around me. When all I wanna do is just be the happy girl. Cause that is how people like me. Happy. When I make a dance for no reason, feel hyper active and think I am the happiest girl in the world.
But unfortunately those moments never last that long. But I guess I just gotta live with that, right? That is life. It will never be just the ups, it is made of many downs too ( maybe even more). But the bad stays longer in my mind than the good, the happy. I want to be that happy girl. To appreciate all the beautiful, amazing, wonderfull, good and other positive things, people and situations. I want to be that girl that found out a way to be lucky. To avoid or ignore the negative. To embrace the joy and hapinness and never let it go. Cause the world could use some positive vibes to make the pain fade (temporarily).
I wanna be that girl that decided to go for it. To make the dream she had in her head for like seven years already, come true. That is my life goal. I wanna be something to the people around me, to the world even. I already mean something to them, to some I mean a lot, to some nothing. But here is the thing: no one of us will ever be liked by everyone. There is always an enemy trying to make you lose faith. Always a jealous type trying to steal you away. But by the time they wanna get to you. You will have grown so strong, without them noticing. They thought they could handle you. But turns out nothing can beat your hapiness. It is not luck, it is bravery that will get you there. And once you are there, you won’t lose it. Cause it is to good to let go.
Keep your faith and hold tight
Cause better times will come around